Friday, April 30, 2004


I was spurred earlier today into a (very productive) search for bad and (at least tenuously) academic jokes, and was surprised how many of my friends have them ready to hand. I suppose it must be a self-deprecating instinct implanted in us all to avoid admitting that we enjoy our work. So here's a theological one, of sorts:

"A seminary student is about to finish his studies, when he is killed in a car accident. He goes and waits outside the Pearly Gates. Peter asks the first person in line, 'Who are you?' And then Augustine replies, 'I'm Augustine.' 'Prove it,' Peter says. So you talk for a time about the Civitas Dei, and Peter lets him in, saying, 'Welcome to Heaven, my dear friend.'

'Then Peter asks the next person in line, 'Who are you?' And Thomas replies, 'I'm Thomas Aquinas.' 'Prove it,' Peter says. So the two talk for a time about how Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics can enlighten our understanding of the Natural Law. And he says to Aquinas in turn, 'Welcome to Heaven, my dear friend.'

'Finally, it's the seminary student's turn, and so you ask him, 'Who are you?' He replies, 'Well, I'm, like, Nabal, and I was, like, studying all this really cool stuff in seminary about how we can bring together the best in, like, Christianity and New Age and other religions, and how it's OK to honor the goddess in our worship, and then this car, like, creams me, and so here I am.'

"Peter pauses a second, and says, 'Very well, then. You'll have to prove who you are, just like Augustine and Aquinas.' 'Augustine? Aquinas? Like, dude, man, who are they?' 'Welcome to Heaven, my dear friend.'"

Well, I did explicitly say the jokes were bad... Here's another:

'What do you say to a philosophy graduate?'
'I'll have fries with that please...'

And with that it's off to bed, before the great Oxford May morning tradition of listening to silly little boys sing Medieval Latin in an attempt to pretend they're not engaged in pure Pagan celebration...

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